If life gave me a report card:

• Drips salad dressing down her front more than others her age
• Often confuses sarcasm and wit
• Has potential to look good when the lights are dim and you’ve had a wine cooler or two
• Plays well with others until she inexplicably develops a deep seething hatred of their very existence
• Consistently reads at above-average grade levels but owes the library $8.24 in fines
• Frequently displays acts of flagrant disobedience including but not limited to incessantly cracking her neck against the advice of the chiropractor she wasted spent all that money on last year
• Seems incapable of sharing
• Participates in physical activity with limited enthusiasm unless bribed
• Atrocious printing. Handwriting even worse
• Bossy

Despite her many (many, many) faults, Madeleine has a kick-ass smile and sunny disposition. She is a joy to have in our class and I am confident that she will one day be gifted $250,000 by a kind-hearted benefactor.

Overall grade: A+ bitches!