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custom portrait

All You Need Is Less, Humour

The WINNER!

“You said I’d do WHAT?”

Oh my gosh, you guys. Seriously. I was all “Hey! Facebook wants me to get 600 likes!” and you were all, “Eff you, Facebook! We’ll show you 600 likes!” and now there are 731 likes and what does it all mean?!

Before we get to the winner of the finest custom portrait to ever be custom portraited – one that I sincerely hope gets a place of honour in the winners home, preferably above the fireplace or the bed, or at least somewhere highly visible so you have to explain to everyone who walks through your door what the monstrosity is and who drew it (“Um…it’s the husband of this…lady? No, no. We’ve never met. She’s, um, she’s on the Internets? You know…one of those bloggers? Yeah, it was a contest and I, uh, I won, so… You know, let’s just put it under the couch OK?”) before all that, I have some learning to lay down on you.

Did you know that you shouldn’t be saying “All of _____”, you should be saying “All_____”? The “of” is totally unnecessary! Likewise, “towards” is not a thing. It’s TOWARD. These two lessons brought to you by Kitty, the woman I have never met in real life, but who was tasked with reading through my entire book and correcting my numerous writer’s tics, two of which I have just mentioned and the others shall go with me to the grave (and no, unnecessarily long sentences with too many commas wasn’t one of the other ones, why do you ask?)

I really wish Kitty would edit my entire life, blog posts, emails, love letters, the whole shebang, because I am the best for thinking everything is locked down with spelling and grammar, and then noticing eleven mistakes after I press send/publish. But she doesn’t, so instead you get me, unedited and unfiltered. Writer’s tics and all.

ANYWAY. To get the winner of this majestic piece of art I first had to figure out how to export my list of Facebook likes, which was a delightful chore I decided to tackle at 11:20 pm on a night that I had to be up at 7 the next morning, because planning (and for those of you wondering why 7.5 hours is not enough sleep, I say to you molars! Molars is why!)

When I had compiled the list I did some very high-tech copying and pasting into a word document, and then I took a trip over to Random.org and generated a random number.

Screen shot of this intricate business below, for proof.

Screenshot 2014-01-31 23.29.32 (1)

So number 36! How YOU doin’? I headed back to my word document and counted down to the thirty-sixth fan, and FEE WRIGHT! You are it! come on down! So Fee, here’s what you need to do. Choose your finest photo, preferably one featuring you in the grip of a beefy Neanderthal man, waist-deep in water under a shooting star, and email it to me at info (at) sweetmadeleine (dot) ca.

Then I will print this photo, put on my white gloves and take it to the artist himself, who will probably be in the midst of something terribly artist-like, such as watching bro movies wrist-deep in a bag of Doritos (don’t worry, he uses the orange chip dust for shading) and he will get to work on your custom magnificence.

And, not that any of you will be doubting the quality of Adam’s work or anything, but I feel the need to specify that this is not going to be some haphazard two-minute sketch on the back of an old phone bill. This is going to be legit. Thick paper, a signed and numbered copy, perhaps a certificate of authenticity and maybe even a frame if I get really organized – although I see that Fee lives in Australia, so this may be dependant on how ridiculous the shipping is going to be. I mean, money is no object!

Also, because you guys just went so above and beyond I will try to match your enthusiasm levels by wrangling my husband into doing a series of in-progress shoots, or perhaps a video explaining the inspiration behind his work. It will be exciting, don’t worry. If he starts rambling I will secretly cut to Olive.

Anyway, Fee! Congratulations! You have a delightful name, and soon you will have a delightful portrait to grace the walls of your home. And the internet. I will post it on the internet, so don’t be sending me any nudie pics. (Adam: “Nudie pics are not only acceptable, but encouraged. It’s art, Madeleine“)

Humour

Adam just loves it when I do shit like this

A few weeks ago I created a Facebook page for Sweet Madeleine after getting over my initial bewilderment about why exactly I needed one, and lo and behold it is all kinds of exciting! People are liking things and sharing things and commenting on things – plus it’s a great way to post little tidbits here and there when I don’t have time to put together a whole post.

In the weeks since creating the page we have received 577 “Likes”, which is quite flabbergasting, really. But Facebook is not satistifed with a mere 577 likes. Every time I log in Facebook encourages me to “Reach my next milestone!” of 600 likes.

Guys, if I have learned anything in my thirty years on this planet, it is to never disobey Facebook. SO! Here I am, doing the bidding of a multi-billion dollar social media overlord like some sort of mindless automaton trying to reach my next milestone!

Nonetheless, if you  “Like” the Sweet Madeleine facebook page and we reach that MILESTONE 600 number, I will do a draw with the winner receiving a custom portrait by none other than this guy:

20130819-084112.jpg

Oh, you didn’t know Adam was an artist, you say? Did you forget THIS masterpiece, circa the late nineties?

Draw me like one of your French girls.

 

Haven’t you always wanted to be depicted in a finely wrought pencil drawing with square boobs that go right up to your neck? And I mean the masterpiece above is from when Adam was seventeen years old – he’s thirty-three now and his skills have improved considerably! (probably!)

Anyway, clearly you don’t need convincing. Let your fingers do the walking liking, and we’ll see where we’re at on Friday.

Sweet Madeleine facebook page 

P.S. Adam is not yet aware that  he is providing a custom portrait service, so don’t say anything. The element of SURPRISE is crucial in the fine art of marital coercion.