Browsing Tag

search history

Humour

My Life in Google Searches

A partial list of my google search history in the past two weeks:

  • Feminist analysis of Disney films
  • Children’s mittens that stay on
  • Night weaning pros/cons
  • Little Red Riding Hood Costume
  • PG-13 little red riding hood costume
  • APPROPRIATE little red riding hood costume for a ONE YEAR OLD seriously people!
  • rocky horror picture show synopsis
  • how many pairs of boots is too many?
  • Kilim rug sale
  • bamboo floors
  • how to get your husband to shave his beard
  • basic principles of reverse psychology
  • ladder as drying rack
  • mercury in retrograde, what does it mean?
  • one year old has discovered how to take off her cloth diaper
  • how to stop your one year old from taking off her cloth diaper
  • PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP TAKING OFF YOUR DIAPER, OLIVE, HELP ME GOOGLE PLEASE
  • *silent sobs*

So, what have we learned here today, friends? That I need to get off the internet, yes. But also!

a) There are many….adventurous little red riding hood costumes (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and,

b) Olive now knows how to remove her diaper. And that is terrible, terrible news. Any time there’s a pause in her babbling (which lately is constant [and by ‘lately’ I mean ‘the last thirteen months’] and consists largely of her pointing to things and saying “Dshh. Dsshh. DSHHH”) all we can hear is the little rip-rip-rip of the velcro tabs being released and then the last line of defense between her and peeing on the floor is gone and I have to chase after her and try and wrestle her into a new diaper.

Adam and I are currently deluding ourselves into thinking that this act of insubordination is actually a sign that she is really to progress onto the next stage of potty training, since she seems to go immediately after she removes her diaper. Maybe this is her way of saying, “Hey! I would like to use the toilet now!” and we’re just a little slow on the uptake.

To be honest, I’d rather she just started crawling to the potty, or using that fancy sign language we have been teaching her, but that may be asking too much. You may have also noticed night weaning in there. Yes. No. I don’t know. I’m debating. With myself. For days.

Thoughts?