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rorschach

Motherhood

Sweet surrender

Large Wings Rorschach Poster by Knena Nicole

What do you do during naptime?

I feel like this is the Rorschach test for mothers. This, more that any other question will out every personality secret you thought you had on lockdown.

I used to hate naps, but now they are one of the best times of the day. The quiet, the pause. The deep breathe before it all begins again.

So, what do you do during nap-time?

Me? One of two things, depending on how the day is going. If the day is going well, I straighten up. If the day is a complete shit-show, I lay prone on the couch, staring at either the ceiling or my iPhone with a glazed look in my eye. I stay that way until I hear the telltale cry indicating that one or both babies are awake and then I drag my slug-body into an upright position and resume my duties.

When you look at that scenario, logically it should be the other way around. If I’m having a shitty day it’s because things aren’t getting done, tantrums are getting in the way of outings and cleaning up, and on these days nap-time really could function as a welcome respite from the little people so I could catch up and prepare for smooth sailing in the afternoon.

Likewise, a morning where the day is chugging along smoothly means I was probably able to do the meal clean up while the kids were eating, the toy cleanup was completed with no fuss by the children themselves, and thus I should feel entitled to a break.

The two are switched though, and I try to strive against it but it is what it is and I think this speaks to a deeper side of myself, that I am controlled by fatigue and my emotions rule the roost. Good begets good, and bad derails me.

I like making things beautiful. I love order; neatly folded things stacked in piles. Conducting chaos into clean floors and open windows. It feels like a reward rather than a chore if I’m in the right mindset.

That’s my Rorschach test. What’s yours?

What do you do during nap-time?