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Pro Tip: Laptop Edition

Here’s a bit of advice that just popped into my head apropos of nothing, completely hypothetical and theoretical.

If you are the type of person who likes to munch on squares of dark chocolate while procrastinating writing the additional chapters of their book that their editor asked for, you should definitely NOT do this if you own an HP Envy laptop. This one:

The one that heats up to a ridiculous degree, making any actual laptopping absolutely impossible unless you never want any more babies ever, and even when you DO move it to sit on top of the old wooden desk your mom gave you it cracks the wood from the insane heat generated.

You should not do this because if you are both a dark-chocolate munching procrastinator writer, AND an HP Envy owner, you may absentmindedly rest a small (tiny, insignificant really) square of the chocolate on the laptop. This will be an unconcious gesture, an innocuous action performed only because you needed both hands to find Olive birthday stuff on Etsy do some serious writing, but nonetheless you might find yourself looking  down mere SECONDS later to find that tiny bit of chocolate has melted completely and is now in danger of submerging the “ctrl” “fn” and “alt” keys entirely.

(Adam. ADAM. I said this was HYPOTHETICAL. Why is your voice getting so screechy? Are you upset because I ate the last of the chocolate? I can probably dig some out from under the space bar if it means that much to you.)

Because I have a sunny disposition and am generally an optimistic, look-on-the-bright-side type however, I can also share that if on the other hand, you are someone who likes to make spontaneous chocolate fondue with keyboards, this is the laptop for you!