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pessimist

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The Most Passive Aggressive List In The World

Things to do when your husband has admitted that you will most likely remain in this town that you don’t hate, but most decidedly don’t LOVE, either (see distance from: siblings, mother, friends) for another YEAR “at least”  :

1. Cry.

2. Decide to paint the walls in your house that to this point have remained unpainted because you thought you wouldn’t be here long enough to make it worthwhile.

3. Unpack the rest of your shit.

4. Cry.

5. Buy more stamps for all of the mail you will still be sending because you still won’t be there to wish your siblings/friends/mother Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas/Congratulations on the birth of their first child in person. STILL.

6. Get books from the library about transcendental meditation in the hopes that you can somehow master the art of beaming yourself to cities with actual ART GALLERIES featuring subject matter other than EAGLES god dammit.

7. Decline to discuss this issue with your husband. Declare dramatically, “I’m done talking about this.” Write passive-aggressive lists on The Internets instead.

8. Regret again not ever putting in the effort to make friends in this town because (say it with me now) you didn’t think you’d be here long enough to make it worthwhile.

9. Ponder whether or not one of your sisters could be convinced to live in the Sex Attic (Guys! RENT FREE!).

10. Shrink another of your husbands sweaters. ON PURPOSE this time.

Oh wow, I’ve already done all of these and it’s not even noon! I’m going to celebrate by drinking until the sad disappears.

p.s. Remember when I said I was going to try and be more optimistic? Hahahahahahahahaha me neither oh god please shoot me.