A few weeks ago I mentioned something about having to get author photographs done, and Valerah left a comment asking why I needed new photos when I have 800+ glamour photos sitting on my hard drive just begging to see the light of day once more.
I was like, OMG. The glamour photos!
I had completely forgotten about The Curious Case of Ryan Gosling and The Glamour Photos (told in two parts, naturally. Part I and Part II). So, seeing as I am procrastinating, I thought I would publicly comb through that gem of a photo album and see what I could come up with. The album, in case you were wondering, is called “Let’s Get Glamorous”.
Yes. Let’s.
Without any further ado, here is the first candidate for my author photo:
I call this one, “Whoops! I wrote a book! How’d that happen?”
(Ignore the amputated arm to my left – it belongs to my dear friend Kris but because she hasn’t written a book I had to crop her out.) (It’s not personal, it’s business. She understands. Probably.)
This next one I call, “Don’t walk – RUN!- to pick up your very own copy of my book!”
As you can see, it’s a very dynamic photograph and I think it conveys my muscular physique and powerful athletic prowess quite nicely.
I am thinking of having this one made into a statuette for my mantle.
Next we have “Extreme Close Up: Black and White Edition”
Every time I read a book, I flip to the back cover and think to myself, “You know what this author photograph needs? More pores.”
People just don’t see enough extreme closeups these days. And almost everyone’s headshots include necks and shoulders so they are really more like “Head-and-partial-torso-shots”, but not this one! This headshot is JUST my head and not even the whole thing! I particularly like how the photo showcases every wrinkle, every errant eyebrow hair, every crooked tooth.
So relatable. So appealing.
Second last we have my all-time personal favourite: “The Baroness”
The strength of this picture lies in its slightly threatening nature. Like, if you don’t buy this book, I will CUT YOU. With HIPPIE MAGIC. Or possibly strangle you with FAKE PEARLS.
Also working in my favour is the fact that the shadows make it look like my top lip is in fact a sinister mustache.
In the biz we call this Creating An Aura of Mystery. People will say “Who IS this Madeleine character, anyway? I’d better read her book to find out!” Perfect.
Last but not least, this. A little something I like to call “The Outtake”
Here I am probably saying something like “I have hair in my mouth and it tastes like Apple Cider Vinegar. Terrific!”.
People will like this one because people love seeing bad photographs of other people. Someone picking up my book will be all, “Oh my gosh. Look at this tragic individual. This was the best photograph she could find? Poor thing.”
My pity-sales will go through the roof!
So thank you, Valerie, for reminding me of these gems. Author photos: Check!
One more thing off my list.