Humour

Try to keep up

I have many strengths, but being on-trend is not one of them.

My younger sister, Hilary, is the exact opposite. The timeline of her adopting a trend compared to me catching on to it looks like this:

  1. Hilary does the thing/wears the thing.
  2. I look at her owning the thing and think, yeah that works for you but I’d never be able to pull it off.
  3. 1-2 years later everyone else is doing/wearing the thing and I start seeing it everywhere.
  4. I get used to the thing. I ruminate about the thing. I read articles and blog posts and pore over pictures.
  5. Aaaand finally, a year after that, I finally reconsider the thing and decide to adopt it for myself.

It’s a studied, thoughtful, ridiculous process, but it’s my process and I’m so firmly entrenched in it that I don’t even bother trying to change it anymore.

The two latest things to join the illustrious list of “Bandwagons I Have Hopped On Too Late” are green smoothies and high-waisted jeans. If you follow me on Instagram you will have seen gratuitously in-your-face photos of both of these trends in recent weeks. I apologize, but also they are so good. 

First, the smoothies.

I know that at this point I’m likely the last blogger in the world to write about green smoothies, but goddamn it I’m doing it anyway because, guys! Look at this drink I discovered that no one’s ever thought of! I call it a “Green Smoothie”. Because it’s green! And why is it green? Because there’s all sort of healthy shit in there, blended up! What kind of shit, you ask? I’ll tell you, because there is literally no where else you are gonna find this information.

Listen up. Maybe grab a pen?

Sweet Madeleine’s Exclusive “Green Smoothie” Recipe

Some variation of the following:

  • 1-2 handfuls of spinach or kale
  • 1/2 cucumber
  • 1-2 celery stalks
  • A few tablespoons of ground flax seeds or hemp hearts
  • 1/2 cup-1 cup apples, mangoes or pears
  • Some mint leaves
  • Sometimes a whole peeled lime if I’m feeling extra zany

You just choose whatever combo you want (or other fruits and vegetables!), add a cup of water to start, and then get blending, adding more water to get the consistency of your choice.

When I first started doing this I got obsessed with the Vitamix and began convincing myself that if I was going to get real about green smoothies, I needed to own a $700 blender. Then I realized who I was and remembered that just last week I celebrated one of my new jobs by finally buying the $7 wooden dish brush I’d been lusting after (this is not a joke).

Me buying a $700 blender was never going to happen.

I use my little immersion blender instead and actually, it works just fine. I toss all the ingredients in a jar, blend until smooth, and then sip while feeling smug and healthy.

It looks like sludge but it’s actually quite tasty. (If that doesn’t convince you, nothing will!)

I can’t believe absolutely no one has thought of this before!

Now, the jeans.

Did you know? #MomJeans are a thing now! Apparently!

Last summer I walked into a new consignment store here in Calgary and ended up walking out with a handful of great finds. I actually Instagrammed the haul here:

 


Part of that haul was a pair of Vince jeans that I tried on and bought on a whim because they were completely different from the other jeans I own. Then I never wore them because they are completely different than the other jeans I own.

They’re light-wash, high-waisted, and distressed. This was just TOO MUCH different so I stuck them at the top of my closet for ooooh a year or so, and then randomly pulled them out the other morning and put them on.

Oh. My. God. It was like the first time I tried on maternity leggings all over again! Why didn’t anyone tell me??

These jeans go halfway up my back and although my friend’s mom (Hi, Mona!) told me that these aren’t even high waisted jeans, they’re mid-rise (to which I say how much higher can they go??) I’ve never been quite so pleased to see a six inch fly or the delighted reflection of my long butt winking back at me in the mirror.

I’ve worn them every day since. Basically strutting around like this nonstop.

via GIPHY

So, this is my life now, guys. Wearing mom jeans and drinking green smoothies, just like the cool kids. Finally!

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3 Comments

  • Reply knightlizard March 4, 2017 at 10:00 AM

    Lol, your list at the top is me exactly, down to the trendy sister!

    If you’d like to hear about a trend that’s been going on for ages that I’ve finally succumbed to, I have one word:

    Lularoe.

    You’re welcome.

  • Reply glennebelle March 4, 2017 at 8:48 PM

    Pray the low rise jeans don’t ever come back. I adopted that trend very late, when there was no other option. Which of course, was at the same time as the onset of menopause, when every loose molecule in the universe finds the menopausal belly. How do you say muffin top? UGH!

  • Reply Saffron March 5, 2017 at 2:09 PM

    Yup I have been a low rise jean wearer for ages and WOW just gone high rise…no turning back. Yes I am a mom yes I wear mom jeans. Fact. Cool kids indeed.

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