I’m an ADULT

Olive has passed her plague on to me, and my god. When she was getting sick I thought she was being pretty damn unreasonable at times, but now that I am the sick one I can truthfully say that what I originally interpreted as her being a grouchy jerk was actually her handling it like a total champ. Far better than I have been, at least. My whining is at least twice as loud.

Right now, if someone interrupted my tantrum to tell me to take a deep breath and use my manners, I think I would high-kick them right in the face.

Zero hesitation.

What I am trying to say is, well played, Olive. Well played.

Anyway, let’s get to the point so I can drug myself to sleep. Earlier in the week I shared some hippie home remedies that I was using to help nurse her through this bastard illness, and now I would like to share a few additional things that have been helping me.

1. Whiskey. Lots. It’s… medicinal? (Ha! I don’t drink whiskey. But I wish I did, I feel like some fire water would burn this illness right out of me, if  I could tolerate it without curling into a fetal ball of kidney-punishing illness right after, that is. Someone else should try this and get back to me. It’s the least you could do.)

2. Rage. Cursing things, kicking inanimate objects, emitting loud self-aggrandizing sighs, and just being a terrible person in general – all very helpful! I believe these childish displays help to excise the demons from your sinus cavities, where they have taken up residence so deeply that not even your neti pot can reach them. (Don’t worry, no one will take this rage seriously because your stuffed nose makes everything you say sound nonsensical, which will only serve to incense you further.)

3. Passing out facedown in a puddle of your own drool while reading your daughter her bedtime story. “Mummy? Mummy, you sleeping?” “Anfhansnnnarfffrwhiskey.”

4. Mouth breathing. Sexy and effective. Need I say more?

5. Carrot Ginger soup. This is a real suggestion. Finally! This is one of my favourite recipes, adapted from the original here, and it’s perfect for cold season. It’s chock-full of vitamin C and ginger, and using canned coconut milk adds some much-needed fat. You also don’t have to chew anything, which is always nice. I made this last night and I felt so shitty that I  went rogue and used organic chicken broth instead of vegetable broth, because chicken soup does actually help cure the common cold. Science.

INGREDIENTS

3 tbsp olive oil
1/2 yellow onion, diced
1/4 cup fresh ginger, peeled and minced
4 cups chopped and peeled carrots (about 1 1/2 pounds)
3 cups organic chicken broth
1  cup canned coconut milk
dash nutmeg
1/2 tsp curry powder
1/4 tsp cayenne
salt and pepper to taste

INSTRUCTIONS

In a large saucepan, saute onions and ginger in  olive oil they are until soft and translucent, ~5 minutes.

Add the carrots and organic chicken broth, and reduce the heat to medium. Simmer for until the carrots are soft. Add the canned coconut milk, and use  a food processor or immersion blender to blend the soup to your desired smoothness. Add spices and stir well.

Drink mass quantities until you are healed, and/or begin to turn orange, whichever comes first.