My favourite gossip blogger, hands-down, is Lainey, and only partly because she sprinkles bits and pieces of Chinese superstition, tradition and instruction in amongst juicy celeb gossip.
Today she had a post on Tiger Woods that talked about Chinese astrology compatibility, and because I am a total sucker for astrology and horoscopes and those machines at the mall that read your palm and tell you what an awesome lover you are, I did some extensive google research on the subject (meaning, of course, that I clicked the first link that came up) and was utterly delighted at what I found.
Would it surprise anyone to learn that in Chinese astrology, I was born under the sign of the Pig?
Notable characteristics include:
Sincere, Honest, Trusting, Sociable, Hard Working, Stubborn…Pigs are very pleasant and have flawless manners and taste. Because they are also perfectionists, they are often wrongly viewed as snobs or as having feelings of superiority. Pigs are sensuous and luxuriant by nature. They love the finer things in life…Pigs are sometimes wrongly perceived as being lazy. Their love of family and warm hearts make them wonderful mates.
Do you hear that? I’m not lazy! The Chinese zodiac said so! Nevermind what time I got out of bed this morning, I AM A WONDERFUL MATE.
Similarly, no one will be shocked to know that Adam is a monkey.
A MONKEY. If there ever was anything more appropriate, well…
Characteristics of my dear monkey?
Resourceful, Charming, Persuasive, Amusing, Sociable, Cunning…Having a good time comes very easily for them in any crowd. They are optimistic, witty and blessed with a razor sharp mind. While Monkeys love to be the center of attention, they are good listeners as well…Monkeys are show-offs who love nothing more than to bedazzle those around them with their antics.
Most Monkeys do not have a highly developed sense of morality. Indeed, if its fun, they’ll do it. Their primary goal is the pursuit of their own pleasure…
The last line of the Monkey profile reads, no joke, “If they can not find a party, they will start their own.”
Yes. Yes, they will. In my house, with beer and lasagna and friends and loud music that goes doof doof doof doof and through it all, a charming smile and earnest promise to clean everything up in the morning (LIES! THEY HAVE NO MORALITY, THESE DAMN MONKEYS!)
Also according to the Chinese zodiac, we are 70% compatible which is far more than I would have anticipated given that our relationship is basically me lounging around being stubborn, and Adam stealing tourists cameras and flinging feces at me when he thinks I’m not looking.