oh my gosh. i am the farthest from motherly you can get. i highly dislike babies. to me they are parasites. but i must be honest…. you have the cutest baby i have ever seen. wow. you my dear lady and your husband have the greatest genes ever.

Oh my gosh, I read this while I was lying in bed this morning (on my phone already because, “Hello, my name is Madeleine and I am  addicted to my iPhone.” I am developing a plan to break this addiction, and we will talk about this later. But for now, iPhones before bed, during nighttime feedings, when I wake up, while eating, etc. It’s horrible. I’m horrible.)

ANYWAY, I read this this morning while on my phone, and I just happened to be nursing Olive at the same time, and I looked at her, nursing while simultaneously kicking me in the crotch and flailing her arms around trying to claw my face (it’s her new thing), and I laughed so hard that she got scared and almost choked. 

First of all I love your honesty. I know there’s a lot of tension between The Moms and The Childfree Folk, but honestly, it’s okay to not like babies! Not all women are born with some magical mothering gene that makes them lust after this experience. You don’t like babies, I don’t like this goddamn sugar cleanse I’m heading into the second week of. We’re cool.

Secondly, they really ARE parasites sometimes, hey? Especially in that first trimester when you feel like they are literally sucking the life force out of you, and especially when you realize you haven’t slathered an obscene amount of olive oil on your feet and stuck them into clean cotton socks in for-EVER because you’re too tired from tending to the never ending needs of said parasite. 

Third, thank you for your sweet compliment. I think she’s pretty adorable, too. And as for our genes, I guess they’re ok. As long as Olive doesn’t get my kidney disease, or Adam’s psoriasis, or my (alleged) OCD, or Adam’s (alleged) ODD, or his illiteracy or my inability to catch objects even when thrown in a generous underhand. If she manages to sidestep all of those genetic pitfalls, she will be a pretty great achievement, genetically speaking 🙂

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