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Chaos defined:

When you’re in the third location in four days and your baby pukes on you at breakfast but you don’t have a change of clothes until lunch and you go to a big mall for the first time in forever and feel like drop kicking humanity because of the crowds and the storefronts full of plastic crap (row upon row of it!) and your baby is sleeping beautifully in her ergo soaked with sweat, and when you go to change her you throw out her diaper only to realize that you HAVE NO MORE DIAPERS because you’re not used to this whole disposable situation yet and you stand there in the bathroom thinking “What…how do I…what can I…shit. Shit shit shitty shit” and while you are trying to figure out what to do she pees all over her onesie and her bear suit and then you have to change her clothes and line the pee-diaper with toilet paper and put it BACK ON your sweet, patient baby and then trek to the hellhole of the earth, WalMart, and elbow your way through throngs of despicable people to buy more of the disposable diapers that you don’t even use as your baby slowly leaks through her pants AND THEN SHE PUKES ALL OVER YOUR ARM AS YOU WALK TO THE CAR.

And then you write the worlds longest run-on sentence on your Internet blog and take a big breath and wish you could drink a gigantic mojito.

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