Eve

Here we are, on the eve of uncertain tomorrows.

We just got back from dinner with Adam’s parents and my mom, both in town in advance of the big event and eager to get their hands on their new grandchild (the first for my mom).

Today was so happy, so full to the brim. I wasn’t able to sleep at all last night, I lay awake until around 5 am just turning things over in my head, rubbing my belly and trying to talk to the baby, prepare it to enter this world.

And today, despite getting three hours of sleep, despite the event looming large on the horizon, despite running around meeting people for coffee and doing last minute errands, I felt completely blissed out with anticipation. The fear and anxiety and stress has somehow disappeared and I just feel excited.

Tonight feels like Christmas Eve, the night before our wedding and the day before a test you’re not sure you’ve studied well enough for, all wrapped up into one nervous laugh, one belly full of butterflies (& baby).

After our parents left, Adam sat and looked at each other. “It really hasn’t hit me yet” he said with a smile, “I really don’t think I’ve grasped that tomorrow we will have a child.”

“Me either” I replied. “Do you think everyone feels like this?”

It’s so surreal.

Surreal doesn’t begin to come close.

So, with that, my last rambling monologue about uncertainty and incomprehension, I’m going to have a warm bath, do a coconut oil massage and try and sleep.

And then tomorrow, tomorrow I’m going to have a baby.

See you soon!