rocknrolldomesticity replied to your post: Our Birth Plan

looks great – and not overbearing or crazy-pregnant-lady at all. you’re brave with the dropping of the surgical drape. i don’t think i could do it.

To be completely honest, when I think about seeing the baby come out (and even when I think of being awake during the surgery itself) it makes me want to vomit. My stomach starts churning and I get shakey as I imagine that sensation – familiar to me as I’ve had stitches many times- of feeling not pain but pressure, tugging, … It’s almost worse because it’s so numb and out-of-body. 

So I’m not exactly brave, nor am I looking forward to it, but I also feel like I can’t not do it. I need to see that baby being brought out of me, or I feel like I won’t be able to make the connection.

Cesarean birth seems like it’s going to be such a dissociative experience – simply lying there numb and immobile while doctors do their thing – I really feel that I need to somehow connect their actions with my body, physically see that the baby that’s been inside of me and the one they will place in my arms are the same. 

I think this may sound a bit crazy, but I hope it makes sense. We’ll see if I’m actually brave enough to go through with it!