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Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Something strange has happened to Adam. I am almost scared to write about it in case I jinx something.

Here goes.

He’s cleaning.

Like….voluntarily.

I KNOW!

The backstory (which is very important, especially for those who know Adam and are struggling to pick their jaws up off the floor and reconcile this news with the dude who had a university bedroom carpeted three feet deep in clothing) is that  about a month ago we made a plan to drive out to Calgary and Edmonton, which are located in the province of Alberta (roughly 12 hrs away).

We were really excited for this little tour – it felt really novel for Adam to just  be able to book time off and then…*go*!

We planned on stopping in on various friends and family along the way – one last road trip sans sippy cups and roadside diaper changes. 

Aaaand then at our last midwife appointment I happened to mention this, and our midwife smiled gently and shook her head nuh-uh. You’re not going anywhere. “What if you have a bleed in the middle of the Trans-Canada highway?” she asked, “Sorry guys. Too risky.”

I looked at Adam and knew he was disappointed, so I suggested that he could still go, I mean it wasn’t HIS placenta that was misbehaving. But of course the same situation applied – what if something happened while he was away?

So, the trip was cancelled. Sad faces all around.

Buuuut, the upside was that we had both already booked time off of work. So this week rolled around, and we’re both just, here. At home. With a delicious week stretched out ahead of us and nothing specific to do except the usual barrage of appointments for me (Monday: Midwife, Tuesday: Car detailing, Wednesday: Diabetes Clinic, Thursday: Magnesium IV, Friday: Anesthesiologist).

So this all sounds fantastic and so far it has been – lots of sleeping in and puttering – but it’s also when all the weirdness started. Because yesterday Adam (OF HIS OWN ACCORD) went out to the shed and started organizing stuff. He pulled everything out and swept and de-cluttered and then, THEN he started talking excitedly about buying a bunch of matching storage totes to hold all of our Christmas decorations, sports equipment etc.

First of all, before today I’m not sure Adam was even aware that we had a broom. Second of all, MATCHING STORAGE TOTES? What in the WHAT?

Seriously, this is not Adam. Adam leaves a trail of filth wherever he goes. He’s a big dirty messy manbeast and he has been like this for as long as I’ve known him and I’ve sort of become accustomed to the fact that he will never change. Ever.

But this, THIS! 

It was like we had pulled a Freaky Friday type switch and it was me inhabiting his body, my words coming out of his mouth. Except it couldn’t be because the opposite hadn’t occurred- I wasn’t drinking beer or making years-too-late “That’s what she said” jokes and then laughing at them by myself. 

So I just sort of sat there and nodded yes to matching storage totes and mumbled something about trying to find them on sale. And then I watched him closely for the rest of the day. And today too. And I collected proof. Evidence, if you will.

I present to you,  a list of things Adam did in the past two days OF HIS OWN ACCORD, without being asked or nagged or cajoled or shouted at in a fit of hormonal rage (not that I do any of those things, you understand):

  • Took the laundry in without being asked. Twice.
  • Washed the outside of his truck (and not like… with a hose. With a scrub brush and soap and crevice tools and microfiber cloths. Are you hearing this?)
  • Repaired a broken speaker system in said truck
  • Bought seat covers for said truck
  • Unloaded the dishwasher whilst whistling a jaunty tune
  • Fixed the vintage chair he bought a month or so ago which has up to this point just been sitting unusable in our living room
  • Installed the baby car seat

And right now, right this very second, instead of relaxing on the couch with a beer he is cleaning the inside of his truck. Again with the sweeping and the spraying of cleaning products and throwing away of all of that precious garbage he’s been hoarding for weeks, months even! 

Internets, don’t misunderstand me, I’m overjoyed at this new development. I’m flitting around the house trying to stay inconspicuous and out of his way in case this is some sort of bizarre sort of sleepwalking situation- I don’t want to wake him! I don’t want to break the spell! This is everything I ever wanted – and more.

But also guys? I’m terrified.

WHO IS THIS MAN?!

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