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Ridiculously Overpriced and Potentially Unneccesary Baby-Related Things I Am Currently Lusting After

Because I am a crazy hippie, and also because we are fortunate enough to be surrounded by an eager group of family and friends who are as excited as we are to welcome this new baby into the world, we set some gift-guidelines in case anyone wanted to buy anything for the baby.  We’re not being too ridiculous I don’t think, asking only that people not buy anything new, nor anything plastic.

My baby-crazy mom has already broken this rule once (that I know of, I have no idea what else she’s bought to spring on me in a moment of hormone-induced weakness).

Similarly when we told Adam’s older sister she simply retorted, “I’m ten years older than you!” (as I’m fond of reminding her), “You can’t tell me what to do!”. Adam’s twin sister was more clever, saying “I’m just going to cut the tags off! You’ll never know that way!”.

I love these people. And despite my stick-in-the-mud “guidelines”, I fear I am becoming one of them.

Internets, the more I nest, the more I prepare, the more stores I walk into and blogs I read, I just – I’m lusting, okay? For things. New things. Things that people aren’t selling secondhand because no one wants to get rid of them. Ever. Because they are just TOO AWESOME.

I have talked before about my champagne taste, our beer budget. And while this secondhand baby stuff thing is more for environmental reasons than financial, I still recognize the ridiculousness of a $160 diaper bag, an $80 baby wrap.

My mom’s no help, fond of repeating “Well you’re going to have lots of babies so it’s worth it to buy nice things you’ll keep using…for all of the babies you’re going to have. Right? Lots of babies. More than one, at least anyways. Babies. BABIES!”.

(This woman has been in our bedroom begging us to procreate for essentially the last decade, we haven’t even had the damn baby yet and she’s asking when we’re having another! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME MOM?! WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU LOVE ME?!)

Ahem. Anyway. The following is a list of just a few of things that are ridiculous and beautiful and expensive. Things which I may or may not purchase in the upcoming months, depending on the strength of my conviction and the limit of my credit card.

I can’t make any promises about what will happen if one night finds me awake, unable to sleep because hey! The baby has recently discovered my ribs and seems intent on breaking one of them to fashion into a sort of shiv. Maybe I find myself here, at this very computer, purchasing one of these delightful items.

Could you blame me?

          

                   The Wrap by Solly Baby in Grey & Natural Stripe Organic Cotton


I like the idea of babywearing, it seems warm and snuggly and as you’re probably carrying your baby around a lot of the time anyway, why not just strap the little pumpkin on so you can have two hands free to to eat salt and vinegar chips do laundry with?

I’m not a huge fan of the black wraps, they seem so dark. Y’all know I love supporting people on Etsy and there’s definitely some cute options on there, but when I saw this I just… it’s perfect.

Hello, it’s gray. And striped. And organic cotton. Excuse me, I think I’ve soiled myself.

             

                           Timi & Leslie Charlie II Diaper Bag Tote in Mustard

Right? RIGHT? Now THIS is a diaper bag! Originally I was looking for something that Adam and I could both use so that I wouldn’t always be stuck with the diaper bag and in the eventuality that he wants to venture into the wide world with Demon Baby on a solo mission he won’t be carrying something embarrassing.

When I saw this, that line of thought flew out the window and I was all “Adam who? Buy me this deliciousness immediately!” But yeah, it’s $160. That’s….that’s just stupid. I can’t justify it, I can’t do it on principle. Even if it does come with all of that useful stuff….right? Right?

           

                                                   Stokke Xplory Stroller

If you don’t have kids and have never ventured into the strange and confusing world of stroller and carseat purchases, if you thought that a $160 diaper bag was excessive, please internets sit down, let me introduce you to the $1200 stroller.

FOR SERIOUS.

I don’t even want this one (I do. It’s so very sexy. I want it so very much). But mostly this stroller is just here because SERIOUSLY. You can buy a car for that much!

How is this a thing? I don’t know what to say.

Let’s move on.

        Organic Baby Bib in Cute Critters, from Organic Quilt Company on Etsy

Hello adorable bibs! Why are you so cute? Also: You’re not fooling anyone. I learned my lesson when I bought Gus an adorable dog bed which now looks permanently dirty because it’s permanently dirty. (Seriously. It’s. Always. Dirty. Have you met Gus? Have I? Why did I think anything with WHITE would be a good choice?)

Anyway. Like I was saying. I’ve learned my lesson. In about five minutes these bibs would be permanently stained with yams or beets or whatever the hell you feed babies when they’re old enough to eat. NO DEAL.

But if you could somehow coat them in a protective, industrial strength clear vinyl cover, well then we’d have a deal, lady.

            

  A mid century teak dresser to store baby clothes and serve as a change table

This doesn’t exist anywhere that I know of. Well, nowhere local and in my price range anyway.

I’ve been searching for a dresser for a while, I don’t want anything that screams ‘Baby Furniture!’, just something clean-lined and gorgeous with lotso drawers because Baby doesn’t have a closet and oh god look at those shapely legs and that flawless craftsmanship and the rich teak colour and…Oh sorry, I was drooling.

Maybe I do need one of those bibs.

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