progress

Yesterday evening I had my first coffee since being pregnant, and then I wrote and I wrote and I wrote.

I sat down at this computer and wrote for four hours, making progress writing and revisioning and stockpiling words for a side project I’ve been working on. I’d been dragging my feet getting started, paralyzed by fear and inexperience and that terrible voice in my head that laughs at my big ideas.

“Just who do you think you are?”

But guys, coffee doesn’t know the MEANING of fear! Caffeine laughs in the face of procrastination, indecision, and just gets. shit. DONE.

Coffee I love you.

It was an immensely satisfying feeling to get so much done, to see so much unfolding in front of me. And today I still feel that energy flowing, but after a weekend of driving (24 hours in total) and more driving yesterday, and then four hours of computer sitting, I need to just move. I’m taking Gus on a big, BIG walk to stretch my legs, move my mind, get into the sun, run off some of our pent-up energy.

My life is more in flux than it’s ever been, but now more than ever I feel like the future is opening wide like a happy yell. I’ve never been more unsure of what next year will look like, and it’s making me improbably, indescribably happy.

Who knew that uncertainty could bring so much joy to an OCD planner like me?

Have a great day, I hope you get to enjoy the sun where you are.