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Bad memory + Hypochondria = ME

At my Mom’s place I turn on an electric heating pad in bed to warm my frigid feet.

Ten minutes later:

Me: Wow that’s weird, my legs are really warm.
Me: Wait my legs are never warm…why are my legs so warm?
Me: OMG maybe I have a rash
Me: … No it cant be a rash, I’m not itchy
Me: Oh my goddd they’re getting hotter! Maybe I have some sort of weird non-itchy skin infection
Me: Something this fast-acting is probably life threatening. Maybe even fatal.
Me: DO NOT GOOGLE THIS, MADELEINE
Me: (googling “non itchy hot legs”)
Me: *crying* Yup. Fatal.
Me: Oh wow I can finally write my book! “Not A Leg To Stand On: My brave battle with non-itchy hot leg disease.”
Me: You know that’s just typical isn’t it. I’m finally going to have a best selling book and I’ll be DEAD

(remembers the electric heating pad).

Me: Fuck my life. But also, yay! I guess.

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