For Serious

Can someone please explain to me why it is exactly, that I don’t have a G-D FAINTING SOFA in my house?!

                      

For serious guys.

Or this, I would also take one of these. Or two. Or three OR ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THE CHAIRS.

                               

Guys, y’all should give me like $10k. Either that or Urban Outfitters should sponsor my life. Maybe I can work out one of those deals where I tattoo their logo on my forehead in exchange for a 90% discount? On everything? Forever?

Then when you come to my house and I open the door and have “URBAN OUTFITTERS” in hipster-script inked onto my face, you’ll at least have a sweet tufted sofa to faint onto.