As I’ve mentioned before, there are a lot of kids in my family. 6 to be exact. While this manifested itself as somewhat of of a nuisance growing up, it’s now become a surprisingly enjoyable – if chaotic- reality. Something wonderful to be enjoyed under often strange and ungainly circumstances, like a fine wine shoved into a paper bag and chugged in an alley.
Because there are so many of us we tend to go in on large gifts for my parents, rather than each getting something small. This year we were trying to coordinate a gift for my dad and what transpired was a clusterfuck of such immense proportions that it could only have occurred in the 21st century. Thirty years ago this would have taken a five minute phone call, today it necessitated two weeks and so many messages back and forth that I took to responding in all capitals and some siblings just stopped responding altogether.
I now present to you, “What should we get Dad for Christmas”
Act 1, Scene 1
Claire: Hey Sibs,
So dad gave us his list of books..
Joy of Cookiing, Alchemy of Finance by George Soros, The Golden Constant by Roy Jastrum, The Little Book of Behavioural Investing by James Montier, Endgame by John Mauldin, Theory of Moral Sentiments by Adam Smith, Elegant Universe by Brian Greene, Holidays in Hell by PJ O’Rourke
And I wanted to make sure no one gets a double. I’m going to get him Elegant Universe by Brian Greene.
Thanks, love y’all
Hilly: I’ll get theory of moral sentiments
Madeleine Ann: Are you guys ordering these? Can we do a bulk
Amazon order and split the cost and save on shipping?
Claire: sho thang
Hilly: yee. why dont we get him that stand up wine holder he wants? all pitch
Madeleine: No. Books.
Liam : We’ll get him the Joy of Cooking
Lizzie: Liam can I get him that one? He got it for me so it would be nice if I could give him his.
Madeleine Ann: Are y’all LISTENING? we’ll just do one big order!
Mawney: Why in the world am i in this thread!?
Madeleine Ann: ARGJHDGJBZGK
Claire: Lol. Because you’re a daughter of dad and this MSG is about buying him Xmas books. I agree with Hilary that we should do one large order and split the cost between the 6 of us. Then they’ll all arrive at once and everyone pays the same amount. Consensus?
Madeleine: Ahem I suggested that and yes agreed. I’ll pay 1/6th.
Lizzie: Oh lordy
Lizzie: You can mail them to me. (gives address)
Hilly: I may or may not have bought mine today…
Liam: I agree to everything.
Madeleine: All the things. LOUD NOISES. Someone just buy all the books except whichever one hilly bought (JERK) and send me a bill.
Mawney: I will not be giving or recieving presents this holiday season as i am in a buddhist country. And across the world. And very very poor.
Madeleine: Oh you fancy huh?
Hilly: xoxox. and I bought the one by Adam Smith
Lizzie: Ditto to what Maddie said
Claire: Lol ok I’ll buy them all and send you all a bill. Theres 8 books, Maddie and Liam, do your spouses want to get in on this?
Liam: We are joint present givers.
Claire: Got it, thats fair, I’ll assume the same for everyone else.
Madeleine: THE END.
Claire: I ordered the remaining 6 books from Amazon and Indigo (Hilary already bought one, and the other was $100 so didn’t order it)
They’ll all arrive before Christmas.
Please send an email money transfer asap, thanks guys!
Madeleine: THANK GOD THIS FUCKERY IS OVER