This Is Halloween

Every year I decide THIS will be the year I think of an awesome costume and do something epic (EPIC!).

Instead, every year ends up being the year we dress up our dog and sit at home in  normal clothes, waiting for Trick-or-Treaters and scrapping over the last peanut butter cup.

But not THIS YEAR! (cue sighs and head shaking)

I’ve been trying to steal costume ideas from the kids I work with but they’re giving me nothin’ – Dick in a box? Really? A COW? A slutty rainbow? As October wore on I began to realize that I would need to find my inspiration somewhere else.

Also: I want to do a couple costume. Look, I know couple costumes are the WORST, but I’ve been part of a couple for almost ten years and I’ve never done one. Isn’t there some sort of freebie program? Date someone for ten years and you get a free pass for either a couples costume or matching sweaters at Christmas?

Here are the three options I am considering, three days before the Halloween fun goes down.

                                 

1. Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod (Body Breeeeaaakk! Keep fit and have fun!) If you don’t know who these people are, you are probably 16 and never watched basic cable. I feel sorry for you. I’ve been trying to get this costume off the ground for five years and Adam refuses. What’s not to like? I get to do mall bangs, Adam gets to grow a mustache, and we wear matching tracksuits and harass our friends by doling out random fitness tips all night, “Hey Kate! Did you know that if you drink directly from the giant bottle of whiskey instead of pouring it into a glass you’ll be giving your triceps a real workout? Body Breeeaaaak! Keep fit and have fun!”.

Negotiations pending.

                                          

2. HeMan and She-Ra. Adam would like me to inform you that HeMan’s real name is Adam, and thus the two share an affinity of sorts, which I, a mere mortal, could never hope to understand.

I am undecided on this one. Pro’s include I get to wear a blonde wig, ADAM gets to wear a blonde wig, I get to stuff my bra (just like high school!) and play a superhero, which I’ve never done before. Significant Con’s include the amount of time and effort it would take to construct these costumes, as well the abject terror I felt hearing Adam discuss how he’d need to shave his legs and get a spray tan to look good enough in his fur mankini.

Awkwaaarrrddd.

I also have negative childhood associations with this costume because my brother had a HeMan figurine and the whole Castle Greyskull setup complete with Battle Cat. At the time I was already walking the line between cool buddy and obnoxious little sister when I accidentally left Battle Cat too close to the fireplace and he melted. My mom bought him a regular tiger figurine but it (obviously) wouldn’t suffice and my brother was furious. He hasn’t talked to me since.

Probably out, due to costume complexity and the potential for Adam to be seen by anyone, anywhere, wearing a fur mankini,

                  

3. MY FAVORITE! A little dated, but when do these crazy kids go out of style?! Margot and Richie Tenenbaum from one of my favorite movies, The Royal Tenenbaums. LOVE.

Adam pretty much already has the hair and can grow a beard in about ten minutes, and I just have to track down a fur coat and ten sticks of eyeliner. I’m really pulling for this one.

Alarming fail-potential, especially since there is a whole blog dedicated to Royal Tenenbaum costume failures. I lived through DuckFace, I’m not sure I could survive this.

4. Options that might happen due to lack of planning:

Wall St Protester and Banker:  I think this one will be really overdone, but Adam has a suit and I have long hair and can quickly make a sign out of cardboard, so it’s pretty simple

Steve Jobs and an Apple: He wears a black turtleneck and mom jeans, I wear all red. BOOM.

What are you being? Let me steal your ideas. PLEASE? We probably live in different states and maybe even different countries! No one will know! I NEED THIS!