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Gustopher

I feel quite pleased with the fact that I haven’t bought anything for Gus (anything non-edible that is) in probably over a year.

For a while there it was like, Boom! New collar! Bam! New bed! Zow! Another new collar because I told Adam he grew out of his old one but really I just found something cuter! Blammo! A backpack! Zing! A life jacket!

It – okay, I – was getting a little out of control. And then without even realizing it, a few factors combined to slow down this orgy of canine consumerism.

The first thing was that he stopped growing 5lbs a week, which really cut down on buying replacement collars and rain jackets (Lord forgive me, for it was our first dog, and we knew not how we sinned)  because he has stayed more or less within the general size range since he was one.

Up to that point he was rapidly morphing from a 20lb chubby puppy to a 140 lb gangly DOG. That period was crazy, I would go away for a weekend and come back to an animal that looked visibly larger than the one I had left. 

       

                                              Baby Gus, 8 weeks old

It also made for an incredible easy puppy-period, because he was growing so much that he just slept a lot. He didn’t chew things and house-training was a snap. His slow-ness was the best tool we could have hoped for because we could see trouble before he did (in the form of a tasty remote or carpet begging to be peed on) and we beat him to the punch every time.

Eventually, after this crazy growth spurt was over I found him a fabulous collar that was adorable and durable and made by an actual person and has lasted a looooong time

                              

                                                           So sessy!

I started trying to save money and we also received a great bit of advice which was to keep all of his toys in a basket and only bring out one at a time, which we still do to this day. This way not only are we not tripping over Kongs and Jollyballs (NOT as fun as the name would indicate, pervs) but in doing so, Gus doesn’t get bored of his toys, and we don’t end up buying new ones to entertain him.

This being said, I have been thinking about getting him a new bed for a while, his is three years old and flat as a pancake, the inner lining has ripped and every time I wash it I lose about 10% of the teeny tiny foam bits that make up the filling. It’s a nightmare.

I’ve been debating getting either a second hand crib mattress (because most XXXL dog beds are ridiculously expensive) or something from Molly Mutt where you just buy the shell of the bed and stuff it with all of the ugly clothes you’ve been quietly stealing from your husband’s laundry pile and throwing out… SHEETS! I mean SHEETS! You stuff it with old sheets! Hahaha! No I don’t know where your sleeveless shirt is Adam, WHY ARE YOU SO SUSPICIOUS ALL THE TIME?!

Damn.

Anyway, impending divorce notwithstanding, here are the options I’m looking at from Molly Mutt:

                   

or possibly this:

            

(p.s. How cute is that dachshund? I kind of love him)

My common sense dictates that I should just get a crib mattress because a) It will be far more cost effective and omg! I’ll be saving it from the landfill! I can just get a few cute sets of sheets, and BOOM! Done! Easy peasy.

But, um, LOOK at those, above. I desperately want to believe that they will be heavy duty enough to stand up to this.

     

But who am I kidding? Gus is no dainty dachshund. It’s not that he’s intentionally destructive (he’s never destroyed anything) he’s just…huge.

Everything about him is super-sized, from his big dumb face to his food bill. Everyday wear and tear gets exaggerated, drool gets magnified, dirt gets multiplied to the nth degree and lets not even talk about the hair.

It would make me so very very sad to see these beautiful beds destroyed, stained, dull from over-use and over-washing. But it might have to happen. I might have to at least try to have nice things. 

Does anyone have both a Molly Mutt bed and a large dirty beast? Are they mutually exclusive? Or are they able to co-exist peacefully and relatively unscathed in the same universe?

Merry Christmas Gustopher? Maybe?

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