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Now You See Me…

Today is a bit of a hectic day because one of Adam’s employees is sick so I’m covering for her and am just trying to dash off a few words in between leaving one job and heading to the other, so here’s a few tidbits:

  • Last week I downloaded a hypnosis app, where a Scottish man speaks to me for half an hour and its supposed to relax me and quash anxiety, but I just get more and more anxious as I lie there because I have to concentrate SO hard to make sure I’ll be able to understand the next sentence spoken in his thick Scottish burr. The challenge of deciphering the rolled R’s and sibilant sounds totally detracts from creating a calm, relaxing hypnotic state. It’s like trying to understand a drunk, soft-spoken Sean Connery (My mom just got a lady-boner)
  • Both Adam’s family and my family have decided to make some rules for this holiday season, namely that everything given as a gift has to be either hand-made or second-hand. Usually I am horrible at giving gifts, I forget birthdays, can’t find something that perfectly speaks to a particular person but also feel horrible giving a cop-out gift like a gift card or cash, but for some reason this year I am SO SET.  This is one time I wish that my family didn’t read the blog because I would love to gloat and post pictures and then bask in the glory of the Internets’ adoration. Keeping Adam’s gift hidden is a whole other challenge though – I may have to turn the sex dungeon attic into Santa’s Workshop. 
  • Today I was absentmindedly half-watching one of those house-hunting reality shows on HGTV while at work, and it showed a couple touring a gorgeous old house painted a soft slate gray, with a wraparound porch and old barn board floors and it only cost $250,000! They were all lovey-dovey and smiley and in that moment I despised them SO MUCH. And then the husband surprised the wife by telling her that since he had $250,000 in savings, this house would be a cash sale and they would have no mortgage (How did she not know this?! People are so weird) and then I loathed them even more. That dude is totally the 1%.
  • Just checked with Adam – he says he definitely doesn’t have $250,000 saved up in a secret bank account he’s not telling me about. He was pretty clear about it actually. I asked him like ten times just to be sure (YOU NEVER KNOW!)
  • He’s probably just saving it for my birthday present (December 27 y’all! Start shopping!)
  • OR MAYBE MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT IS A HOUSE!
  • OH MY GOD!
  • I have to go buy curtains.

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