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If life gave me a report card:

  • Drips salad dressing down her front more than others her age
  • Often confuses sarcasm and wit
  • Has potential to look good when the lights are dim and you’ve had a wine cooler or two
  • Plays well with others until she inexplicably develops a deep seething hatred of their very existence
  • Consistently reads at above-average grade levels but owes the library $8.24 in fines
  • Frequently displays acts of flagrant disobedience including but not limited to incessantly cracking her neck against the advice of the chiropractor she wasted spent all that money on last year
  • Seems incapable of sharing
  • Participates in physical activity with limited enthusiasm unless bribed
  • Atrocious printing. Handwriting even worse
  • Bossy

Despite her many (many, many) faults, Madeleine has a kick-ass smile and sunny disposition. She is a joy to have in our class and I am confident that she will one day be gifted $250,000 by a kind-hearted benefactor.

Overall grade: A+ bitches!

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